And now for something completely different. I’m having fun playing games and writing about them again, but after cranking out three in two days, I want to change pace a little bit and write other things. I’ve got some stuff in the works but I saw this trending on Twitter and while I don’t like sharing things like this from my account, I really liked the idea of it and the opportunity it’s giving me to dive into micro topics with more than 280 characters to boot. So without further ado, let’s jump into a very spoilery exercise.
Very First Video Game
The first game I can remember playing is Duck Hunt. I was either four or five years old and at my grandparents house, where we’d go every summer and have mini family reunions. They have a ton of grandkids so they had a Nintendo Entertainment System with a metric shit ton of games. I remember watching my brother and sister obsessively try to beat Super Mario Bros. 3 and cheat in Track & Field, using their hands on the gamepad to make their runners move faster. I’m significantly younger than my siblings (8 and 7 years respectively) so I didn’t have the best motor skills. Neither did my dad who’d always try to include me, so together we’d tackle Duck Hunt, with that beautiful, orange light Zapper light gun. It was a game that made as much sense to my 40-something year old dad and to just out of diapers me.
Surgeons have their scalpels. I had my Zapper.
Your Favorite Character
It’s gotta be Cortana. Mordin Solus, the Salarian scientist from Mass Effect 2 and 3 just missed the cut. Cortana is the AI companion that lives in Master Chief’s helmet in the Halo series. Voiced by Jen Taylor, she encourages and aids Master Chief as he fights against the Covenant, the Flood, and later the Prometheans. She’s equal parts charming, confident, vulnerable, and badass. She’s a perfect foil to Master Chief and while I really disliked Halo 5 because of the turn her character took, I’m really optimistic that the series isn’t done with her yet. Halo Infinite, the next in the series, if it’s continuing the story, will find some way to get the Cortana we know back into the fold and where she belongs - at the top of the Halo food chain.
I love you, even when you go rogue and try to execute a technocratic coup across the galaxy
A Game that is Underrated
I briefly just mentioned it, but the amount of shit that Mass Effect 3 gets absolutely baffles me. When it released, people were upset about the ending of the game, because the ending essentially boiled down to choosing one of three outcomes. I don’t get why people hated that so much since every interaction you had that brought up the dialogue wheel boiled down to three choices as well (Paragon, Neutral, Renegade), but c’est la vie. What bums me out most is that people who complained that the ending of the game wasn’t up to snuff failed to realize that the entire game was an ending. You spent time with every character of significance and had ample opportunities to say goodbye and make your peace with them after getting to know them throughout the series.
I died as MaleShep. But I lived for FemShep
Your Guilty Pleasure Game
There are some games that are bad but you just don’t care because they’re a blast. While I don’t necessarily feel guilty for playing the recently reviewed Marvel Ultimate Alliance, I feel guilty for jumping into it so often when I have other games I can spend time with. Like I said in my review, the game itself isn’t great; the combat lacks impact, the story is good but doesn’t gel with the Marvel Universe today, and the trophies are a pain in the ass to chase, but the game is just comfortable to me. It’s the perfect game to play on a rainy Saturday when you’re killing time and catching up on podcasts.
Just me n’ these honchos, y’dig?
Game Character You Feel Most Like (Or Wish You Were)
I don’t really play video games to to project myself into them. I don’t make characters look like me or behave the way I would; I generally try to play games by creating a character I then get to act like, or as close to how I think the devs intended. All that said, the character I wish I were more like is Link, especially in the Wind Waker. I’m not the biggest fan of Zelda games, but there’s something really romantic about how he answers the call to action in the beginning of those games.
I take it all back; who hasn’t been Link?
Most Annoying Character
Waluigi. The character himself is fine, he’s just a lanky, weird, bizarro Luigi in purple - there’s nothing inherently wrong with him, but I absolutely hate the cult he’s inspired. I think he’s just irony on two legs and the obsession people have with him is infuriating. I’m so freaking happy he’s not in Smash and it’ll be a sad day if Nintendo ever panders and includes him in the roster. He can stay in Mario Tennis though because let’s be honest, having that body type represented is the most accurate thing about the whole game. Although now that the trailer for Pokémon Sword and Shield is out I’ve basically become a Waluigi Stan for Sobble, so I get it. I just don’t like it.
Even Waluigi doesn’t like Waluigi
Favorite Game Couple
I’m pretty early in the game still, I missed it on GameCube when I was in middle school, but I actually really like Mario and FLUDD together. Mario had been given a new series of jumps when he first moved to 3D on the Nintendo 64, but FLUDD augmented them and gave him more mobility. It was a smart way to go bigger in a sequel but to give a logical reason as to why a character can suddenly do more. Plus it serves the vacation vibe of the game and it makes me think of summer, which is really nice since it’s been raining in San Francisco for what feels like ten years. Seriously, it’s been raining so much I feel like I’m in a very specific Ray Bradbury story.
oh my god, just fuck already
Best Soundtrack
Best Soundtrack is Grand Theft Auto Vice City. Every station, even the talk shows is filled to the brim with absolute bangers from stem to stern. But I think that’s a cheat answer, since there isn’t a whole lot of original music, and the original music that is there is pretty much just an imitation of stuff that came before, so let’s talk about video game scores. I love Halo and the work Marty O’Donnell has done on all of his games, but I’ve got to give it up to the original chiptune soundtrack from Pokémon Red, Blue, and Yellow. The walking music, the battle music, biking, caves - every song in those games is permanently imprinted on my brain. Every time I have a headache and take an ibuprofen I even do the little trickle that plays when you heal your team at Poké Centers because I’m that dumb and that entranced all these years later. That said, my favorite single video game track of all time is from Far Cry 3, your final fight with Vaas. I listen to this track all the time whether I’m working or working out.
Saddest Scene
I’ve never played Final Fantasy VII so I don’t give a shit about Aeris - sorry, y’all. Two honorable mentions come from different Halo games. “Don’t make a girl a promise you know you can’t keep” is fantastic, like I said Cortana is my favorite game character and that line delivery just guts me. Halo Reach was an absolute blood bath, but the death of Jorge was terrible and wonderful. On one hand he dies thinking he saved Reach. On the other, he didn’t, and died for nothing. But no, the absolute saddest scene in a video game is when you decide to be a Paragon in Mass Effect 3 and Mordin Solus pays the price. I remember playing Mass Effect 3 the day it launched (thankfully the Tuesday of my Spring Break senior year of college. I had no idea the choice I just made was going to mean Mordin’s life… he died. I just stared at my controller for a few minutes after putting it down. I finally paused the game, poured myself a drink, and went onto the porch of my apartment building (read: modified farmhouse, thanks, Vermont), and just smoked the world’s saddest cigarette.
Best Gameplay
The most game-ass game I play and love to death is Super Stardust. It’s a twin stick shooter where you’re a ship running along the outside of a planet shooting at obstacles. It’s arcade as hell, there’s a kick ass soundtrack, and it just feels so good to play. I like the PS4 version a lot but this game on PlayStation Vita absolutely rules. It’s a perfect mobile game and runs butter-smooth on the handheld.
Gaming System of Choice
My favorite video game console of all time is the PlayStation 3. Here’s a short list of why:
High Definition gaming
Streaming services like Netflix and Hulu that you didn’t need a subscription to access, unlike Xbox 360 at the time
Free online multiplayer
More exclusive games than you could possibly imagine
You could plug in a hard drive and stream digital video off it… I was really into torrents in college
Backwards compatibility
The MMO DC Universe Online
Wireless controllers that didn’t need AA batteries
Could be programmed into being a media center
The PlayStation 3 was the system I had when I loved games and when I needed a break from them. It let me watch as many tv shows as I wanted when I was depressed, it let me use my TV’s speakers to blast music when I had friends over, it let me do everything I wanted. Gun to my head? I’d still take the PS3 over the PS4 any day.
The only shitty thing was that this wonderful console didn’t ship with an HDMI cord
A Game Everyone Should Play
The worst part about Journey is that it’s a PlayStation exclusive. I wish everyone could experience this beautiful, beautiful game. You play as an unnamed character making a pilgrimage to a mountain in the distance. The game gives zero direction - you just start playing and start walking. Occasionally you’ll bump into other players but there’s no way to plan it or communicate with them outside of whistling for their attention. The entire game can be beaten in just a few hours. If you have a PlayStation 3 or 4 and haven’t played it, please just get a dark liquor, a pizza, and play it on a Friday night, you won’t regret it.
A Game You’ve Played More than 5 Times
I don’t know if I’ve played any game more than five times. But if I have, it’d be one of the following:
Pokémon Blue/Red/Yellow/Let’s Go (between all of this this has to be 5)
Super Mario 64
Grand Theft Auto Vice City
Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Mass Effect 2
Borderlands
Battlefield 4 (trophies)
See? Video games are art
Current (Or Most Recent) Video Game Wallpaper
I’ve never had video game wallpaper on either a phone or a computer before. It’s usually comic art. But if I had to choose one, it would probably be one of my favorite video game covers of all time - the reverse cover of Bioshock Infinite. I just wish the title logo was made to be more like the actual art.
For the first time since 2012, the thing I voted for and the thing that won were the same thing
Post a Screenshot from a Game You’re Playing Right Now
I’m playing a ton of different games right now. Between Marvel Ultimate Alliance (fuckin’ trophies, man) Pokémon White (first time, it’s pretty good) I’m clearing all the star coins from Super Mario 3D Land (game still slaps real hard), Batman the Telltale series (RIP), and Halo 2 on the original Xbox (they changed the score in the Master Chief Collection). But you know what game I play every night before I go to bed? Mario Golf World Tour on 3DS. I fuckin’ love Mario Golf, man. I think it’s one of the most underrated sports games, one of the most underrated Nintendo games, and one of the most underrated handheld games of all time. Hotdamn. I love Mario Golf.
You ever see Tin Cup? Tin Cupped the shit out of this hole. Rene Russo would be proud
Game With the Best Cutscenes
I sound like a broken record at this point, but Halo 2 was an absolute game changer (no pun intended) for me. I first played it when I was 15 and even though I had just beaten the first Halo game in one sitting the night before, Halo 2 dialed everything that made the first game great up to eleven. It was the first game I ever played that genuinely felt like a movie. It really helped that it was a first person shooter and there wasn’t a lot to the UI, there wasn’t a lot of time spent in menus once you started the game, and the cutscenes weren’t overbearing - cutscenes weren’t doing basic things that you could’ve been doing, they were handling transitions between environments, something that was way too ambitious for that generation of consoles. They were so pretty that they felt like rewards - like after finishing an incredibly cool level I was given a chance to see something that somehow looked even better. The fact that a game could look this good absolutely melted my brain, and the updated effects from Blur for the Master Chief Collection may be the prettiest things ever made?
Favorite Antagonist
Blue from Pokémon Blue/Red/Yellow is the perfect villain. I talked about it in my review of Yellow/Let’s Go Pikachu, but he was such a cocky asshole that it was all the motivation I needed ti complete the game over and over again. I wanted to beat Blue more than I ever wanted to beat the Elite Four. Especially in the original games. He’d throw his first monster out and it would be that grossly oversized sprite. At the beginning of the game he purposely picked the Pokémon that had a type advantage over whichever one you chose. He’s such a prick - I love him. He’s totally that kid whose dad wants to shut down the rec center and says things like “When my father hears about this…” - he’s totally an 80’s teenage villain and I love him for that.
I wish I made this. I know; this is the best part of this post
Favorite Protagonist
It might feel like an easy answer, but Nathan Drake is excellent. We’re at a point in time where there are more good Uncharted movies than Indiana Jones movies (they’re games, sure, but they’re really not) and that’s pretty fascinating to me. They took a character that seemed so cool because of his time and place and managed to adapt him perfectly to the 21st century. He’s charming, confident, dangerous and no matter how many people he’s killed or how many ancient structures he’s destroyed in the name of preserving them, he’s still so freaking likable.
Oh shit I think I’m pregnant
Picture of a Game Setting You Wish You Lived In
There are few places as idyllic to me as a setting in a Pokémon game. THey’re all pretty special for various reasons, and as much as I love Kanto and especially Johto (Red/Blue/Yellow/Let’s Go and Silver/Gold/Crystal respectively), I really, really love the Alola Region, the settings from the Sun/Moon/Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon games. It’s modeled after the Hawaiian archipelago and something about the revised gym structure, the multiple islands without the pain of surfing between them, and all the commodities of a modern game make it such a compelling setting. The vibe is so relaxing that I’m playing the game completely different than any other game before it. In the original games I thought of stopping Team Rocket as a chore, something that got in the way of what I wanted to accomplish, but the side story in Sun/Moon is more important to me, so much so that my Pokémon are on average about ten levels higher than the Elite Four equivalent and I haven’t even been tempted to fight them yet because I’m having so much fun exploring and filling out my Pokédex. Add in the Poké Pelago mini games where you basically have a farm to grow berries, a cave to explore, an obstacle course to train your team on, and a spa level where they can go to relax - and Alola is hands down my favorite region yet.
Aloha, Alola
Favorite Genre
Even though I probably spend a majority of my time playing first person shooters and roleplaying games, I think my favorite genre is actually strategy games. Starcraft means so much to me. When I was moving all my units on a Zerg base, it felt like I had hundreds of GI Joes and all their vehicles and I was throwing them against the bugs from Starship Troopers. Civilization V is another game that I’ve lost hours, days to without even realizing it. “Oh, I’ll just play for a few hours before meeting up with friends…” Next thing I know it’s 3 in the morning, I’m chain-smoking on the patio and I’m trying to fend off a nuclear blitz from Catherine the Great and Ghandi’s newfound alliance. There’s something so satisfying about moving your civ through different time periods and organizing the transportation systems between your cities and maximizing the efficiency of every tile in your empire. There’s really nothing else like it. Pulling off a miraculous grenade stick feels great, but it’s momentary compared to the bliss you feel of a 1200 turn diplomatic victory on a large map with max opponents.
After 1100 turns, you’d drop bombs too.
Best Story
Halo Reach has, to me, the most perfect story in any video game. It’s brilliant because you know the ending. You know exactly what happens, they tell you in the beginning of a game that came out 9 years earlier, but you’re convinced you can change the outcome regardless of its inevitability. The symmetry and the way loose ends are tied up is just perfect. It makes perfect sense to me that I liked Star Wars: Rogue One as much as I did because it and Halo Reach are like 95% the same story. And y’know what? They’re both beautiful
A Sequel that Disappointed You
Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike is a game I wanted to love so much. I still remember going to Game Stop in Bangor, ME and being completely shocked that it was on store shelves. I had no idea that it was coming out, let alone that it was already in stores. I was so happy about cancelling plans to dive into a new Star Wars game in one of my favorite Star Wars series. A lot of the aerial levels were awesome, and I actually liked the inclusion of land vehicles - piloting an AT-AT felt as rad as I wanted it to, and way more satisfying than it was in Battlefront, but the on-foot missions were so poorly executed that it marred my entire experience. There was no consistency - I never felt like I was in control as much as I was lucky. Add in the fact that there was no real advantage to getting a blaster rifle over your infinitely ammo’d pistol and there just wasn’t a lot in these sequences that made me feel as cool as I did in an X-Wing and I wish they cut them. There wasn’t a lot served by including them that couldn’t have been done with the mid-level vehicle swaps done in Rogue Squadron II.
I didn't like it, but I still would’ve bought it again on Wii, had this version ever released :/
Best Art Style
I’ve never beaten it, but holy shit Kirby’s Epic Yarn. I feel like making a game because you have an art direction shouldn’t make sense, in theory that’s shallow, right? It’s not like Nintendo made Legend of Zelda Windwaker because they happened upon cel-shaded technology - they went with cel-shaded graphics because it made everything else they were trying to do easier. The fact that they thought it would be cool to make a world completely out of art and craft supplies and then made a more than competent Kirby game to fit into the art direction just blows my mind. And it looks so good! On inferior, sub-HD they found an art style that still to this day holds up and holds up better than a lot of other games that were perceived to be more ambitious. I love that it’s continuing with Yoshi’s Wooly World, and even to an extent with the Link’s Awakening Remake coming to Switch this year. While everyone was super excited about Fallout: New Vegas, I was just stoked to get back stateside and dip my toes into a game that looked as fun as it was.
This game is crazier than you’d believe, and prettier than you’d expect
Favorite ‘Classic’ Title
Classic is a weird word. I spent a lot of time with the NES but I have no real affinity for it, since I hadn’t developed the vocabulary necessary to understand and appreciate them. Because of that, the first game console that I consider ‘mine’ was the Nintendo 64, and since it’s the first Nintendo console capable of rendering things in 3D, I think it should count. So, that said, my answer is Super Mario 64. That game was a watershed moment in my gaming history like I’m sure it was for many others. It was the future printed onto a tiny grey cartridge. For the first time since his first NES release, we got a new Mario thing. It set the standard for 3D games and still holds up more than 20 years later. I know because I played it the other day. Think about that; all these years later, I still want to play it.
A Game On Your List to Play
Oh man, I actually have a pretty long list of seminal games that I haven’t played. I’m bad about video game required reading:
Metal Gear Solid, 2, 3, 4, 5 (Peace Walker was dope though)
Persona 4
Resident Evil, 2, 3, 4
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
The Last of Us
Resistance 3
Half-Life 2
Final Fantasy IV, VI, VII (V was like Peace Walker: dope)
God of War (loved the PSP ones)
Red Dead Redemption II
Pokémon White (Playing through it for the first time now)
Halo Wars 2 (Not seminal but it’s on my list)
This year I finally crossed Gears of War, 2, and 3 off my list so I am making some progress on my list, I swear. It’s just slow, and… c’mon, if you’re reading this, you’ve read other things I’ve written. You know what kind of games I like.
Not really my jam, believe it or not
Best Voice Acting
Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Because I’m struggling to think of a more haunting video game voice than Michael Mando in Far Cry 3. I love Steve Downes in Halo. I love Troy Baker in Bioshock Infinite. I love Camilla Luddington in the Tomb Raider Reboot. But I can still hear Vaas’s voice so clearly sometimes I swear he’s behind me. His performance was so delightfully unhinged that I was a little disappointed that the game didn’t end after your final confrontation with him. He was such a weight on my shoulders throughout the entire game that I really felt like I beat the game the developers wanted me to finish and that I could’ve stopped right there. Turns out I’m glad I didn’t stop because the second island in Far Cry 3 rules, but those feelings of completion and relief after defeating him are testament to how wholly he filled his role. If Blue weren’t such a playful asshole, Vaas easily would’ve been my number one antagonist.
Most Epic Scene
Alright so picture this; It’s Christmas 2005, and it’s just me and my dad all snowed in in our little one story tract home on an island off the coast of Maine. After telling him how much fun I had at a friends house earlier that year playing some weird game called Halo, I open up my last Christmas and unwrap the games Halo and Halo 2. We watch our movies, we eat our food, we have a blast. But my dad goes to bed and I pop Halo into the disc tray. I beat it in one sitting the night. The next night, I pop in Halo 2, and while both remain excellent even to this day, Halo 2 is just clearly more ambitious and impressive than the lofty original. I’m fending off a Covenant Strike team that boarded Cairo Station, and after doing a spacewalk on the outside of the orbital artillery platform, I enter a room that filled to the brim with Elites, some of the toughest enemies in the game. It seems like Earth is going to fall, there are just so many Covenant ships in the sky that you think they outnumber the stars. But Chief doesn’t worry, so you don’t worry. He works together so fluidly with Cortana that you think they have a chance. After disarming a bomb that’s destroyed countless other Orbital artillery stations, Captain Miranda Keyes asks to engage an enemy cruiser of ungodly proportions and is denied. When suddenly this exchange happens:
MC: “Sir… Permission to leave the station?”
Admiral: “To what purpose, Master Chief?”
MC: “To Give the Covenant back their bomb.”
Admiral: “Permission granted.”
Cortana: “I know what you’re thinking, it’s crazy.
MC: “So stay here.”
Cortana: “Unfortunately for us both… I like crazy.
Cortana: [beat] “Just one question… what if you miss?”
MC: “I won’t.”
And suddenly they’re sucked out into the vacuum of space with the Covenant bomb in tow. A UNSC cruiser is shot down right in front of them. Two bombers come out of nowhere and punch a hole in the Covenant cruiser, giving Master Chief and Cortana a chance to enter the ship and push the bomb into the ship’s reactor core before narrowly escaping and crashing onto a friendly ship just to be brought down and engage the enemy on the ground. How important is this scene to me? I wrote that whole thing from memory because since December 26th, 2005 it’s been burned into my fucking brain like some kind of cattle branding that I’ll never be able to get rid of. Good god it is so good. It’s so, so good. Video games are just the best, man. Top shelf, bottom drawer - the fucking best.
Favorite Video Game Developer
This is a cheat because they’re so many developers under one name, but Nintendo. They’re the Pixar of video games. The medium has advanced so much over the years that genres have lived and died because everyone else is chasing trends. Nintendo is the one creating them. Everyone else gave up on 3D platformers in the 90’s but Nintendo puts out an amazing one in 2017. Fans think Nintendo can’t do online first person shooters but they put out the most inventive one of any first party developer this decade in Splatoon. Every time people think they know what Nintendo can’t do, Nintendo proves them wrong just because they can. They’re incredible. They’re not bulletproof, but they’re the closest thing to bulletproof this industry has ever, and more likely probably will ever see.
A Game You Were Surprised You Liked
I started playing it begrudgingly for work but I was sold hook, line, and sinker when I was playing Final Fantasy 15. I wanted to dislike that game so much because so much of it is just not my cup of tea, but the sum was indeed better than the parts and everything I played was such a treat that it’s definitely a game I want to get back to, and maybe even platinum if I have the stomach for it. That opening where Florence and the Machine’s Stand By Me starts playing is so pretty I want to cry. It’s a very special game that I never thought I’d like in a million years but I truly do.
Favorite Game of All Time
This is super tough because video games are incredibly nostalgic to me. The older I’ve gotten the more I’ve tried to separate the game and who I was/what I was doing when I was playing them, but then I get even a little bit older from when I try to do that and I get sentimental about the exact thing I’m trying overcome. It’s tough, but I don’t think I can do it. I only think I can try to do it.
That said, my favorite game of all time is the original Star Wars Battlefront on PlayStation 2. Not because it’s the best game (it isn’t), not because it’s the best Star Wars game (it’s not), and not because it was the system’s best shooter (it wasn’t).
It’s my favorite game of all time because I love my brother, and despite our age gap at the time it released - I was starting high school just as he was finishing college - we bonded so much over that game. Even when you’re related, it can be hard for a 14 year old and a 22 year old to relate to each either, but that game was a perfect excuse for us to sit down next to each other and talk about everything. Movies, girls, Dad, fears, music, high school, college, adventures. Anything I had even the smallest semblance of curiosity about, we’d talk about, even if he had even the smallest semblance of an explanation.
Super Mario Galaxy is a 10. Halo 2 is a 10. Mass Effect 3 is a 10. But those games didn’t give me dozens of hours with my brother, so how could they possibly be as great as a mediocre that did?
The only way to play
And that’s it, probably the only 30 for 30 I’ll ever produce, but at least it’s something. Thank you so much for reading, champions, it was nice to talk about games more comprehensively for a change, and I might do it again in the near future, so look out.